shouting and hiding..

I'm not really sure where to start with this post.. you know when you get an idea, or something you really want to write about and then you don't really know what to say.. or how to say it.  If we were sat opposite each other right this second I could explain it in two seconds flat.. but writing it is always harder.

For the past couple of weeks I've been reading (like normal) all my favourite blogs.. keeping in the loop, seeing what they're up to and the same themes seem to keep popping up.. shouting and hiding.  The new year always seems to create a surge of renewing.. we get bigger and better.. we get new ideas being launched.. we get projects set.. ambitions declared.. all this amazing stuff happening and we all shout about it.. fighting to be heard.. fighting to stay ahead of the game.  But it is exhausting.. keeping up.. keeping your toe in.. always being heard.  Even the ones that you look up to and always seem to so effortlessly do it are admitting the struggle.. that feeling that everything is kinda going in a direction and actually I couldn't even tell you if it is the right direction because I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK!?!?

I was asked some questions for a book about business recently and one of the questions was 'What are my goals for this year?'  I suddenly felt under pressure.. urrrmmm shoot more weddings.. streamline the business a bit more.. maybe go on holiday?!? What's wrong with just wanting to keep doing what I'm doing.. and doing it well?  I felt like it wasn't enough.. shouldn't I should be setting that bar even higher.. have 10 projects that I'm secretly working on ready to launch.. be reinventing something.. announcing something.. actually, I have got something to announce.. I've started jogging.  It was bloody hard at first and I could run for about 3 minutes and had to stop but the other day I ran for 22 minutes.. 22!  And I'm SO glad I'm doing it because it gives me space.. I get 40 minutes of clarity.. no email.. no tweets.. no facebook comments.. no trying to keep up.. no elbowing, no 'like' checking.. it's absolute bliss.  Sometimes I like hiding.

Chris Barber Photography

There are always other ways to shut out the noise...

* I want to add to this post as I've had lots of comments and tweets from peeps that seem to be having a lot of these feelings themselves.  My friend Lauren tweeted me with a link to a TED talk by Dr Brene Brown entitled 'Wholeheartedness'... I urge you to give yourself some time and to have a watch.. it's pretty interesting...